It’s So Hard to Say the Word

Murder. Webster’s definition is to kill or slaughter inhumanly or barbarously. I suppose that’s why it’s hard to say the word, especially when someone you love dies from bloodshed.

I was only seventeen the day it happened—the day my daddy was murdered. When life was supposed to be full of anticipation, everything as I knew it came to a screeching halt. When daddy kissed me goodbye that morning, all had seemed well with the world. That last smack on my cheek still echoes in my ears. Unfortunately, the tenderness of that moment was overshadowed by the questions that hammered my mind.

God, why did you take my daddy from me?

Why didn’t you stop it from happening God?

Where were you God?

All of the answers lead to the same conclusion. It was God’s fault. My heart not only filled with bitterness, anger and unforgiveness for the man who killed my father—I hated God.

As a matter of fact, within seconds of finding out, I walked outside and screamed to the heavens, “Why God, why?” For twenty long dark years I remained enraged with the Creator, until I learned the truth that there is only one who destroys life, and it isn’t God.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

John 10:10

The tides turned during the last twenty-two years. God lovingly revealed how the enemy used one man to murder my father, but in the process, tried to destroy me as well.

As my eyes were opened to the truth through God’s word, I found myself hungry to understand the battle of good versus evil. Since the beginning of time from the Garden of Eden clear through the book of Revelation, God paints a picture of a battle with eternal consequences–A battle for the soul.

The man who killed daddy—had his mind been deceived? What about the Texas shooter that walked into a small country church or the Vegas killer? What happened in their life that they felt taking another’s was the best option? What lies did they believe?

You might be reading this and ask, what does this have to do with me? Well, the reasons are many, because the enemy is very cunning.

Do you believe your only option is divorce because ALL you can think about is what you despise about your spouse? He is such a slob and he is so controlling.

Are you cutting because it seems that is the only way to release the anxiety of your heart? It will make me feel better. I won’t go deep.

Can you no longer see your beauty as you stand before the mirror? I’m so fat.

I’m writing for one reason—I see in hindsight how I had fallen prey to believing the father of lies. That truth brought a great deal of understanding to the many mistakes in my life. It’s the truth that set me free.

Now, I want nothing more than to share with others what I’ve learned. The Bible holds the answers. It’s a battle, but guess what? We win.